|A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. “WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.No one answered.”ALRIGHT, I’M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON’T LIKE AHAVIN’ TO DO WHAT I DONE BACK IN TEXAS!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled-up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say, pardner, before you go… what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”|
|A city slicker bought a ranch out west where he intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.”Well,” said the would-be-cowboy. “I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we’re calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy_Y.””But, where are all your cattle?””None have survived the branding.”|
| The Origins of ChapstickThe old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don’t shine.
He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
“Hold on, Mister…” “Sheriff?” “Did I just see what I think I just saw?” “Reckon you did, Sheriff… I got me some powerful chapped lips…”
“And that cures them?” the Sheriff asked.” “Nope, but it keeps me from lickin’ em.”
|A three-legged dog walks into the saloon and announces, “I’m alookin’ fer the man what shot my paw.”|
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